I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
