Do you still have your period?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
