So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
