Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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