I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
