Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
