I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
