I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
