we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
