Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just googled if crying burns calories
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
