do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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