I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
