You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
