why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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