I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
