I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
