My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
