So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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