I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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