she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
