wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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