Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
