dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
