Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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