'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
