so let's talk penis.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
