i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
