He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I need to align my fucking chakras
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
