They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
