FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
