I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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