Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
