one two three fourrrrnication!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
