We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
