I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
