so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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