Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The power of my boobs compel you
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
