cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
barbara walters just said penis...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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