What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
