the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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