And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my being single is dangerous.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
