so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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