Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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