sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
try to milk me bitch
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