Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
