So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
