Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
