I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
