I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
