Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
