she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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