You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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