eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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